he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
