Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
