I'm so fucking centered right now
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
