Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
