I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just cropdusted the office
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
