Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
soo... how was my night?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
