I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
