Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
