Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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