Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
