my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
