Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm passing your future prison.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
