Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
