it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I cut my penus on the lid.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
