I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
