I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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