this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
