yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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