O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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