These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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