I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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