we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
