please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
