Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
