ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
