Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
