never play flip cup with pint glasses
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
