Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
