Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
