my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
