I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
