so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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