I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
