I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
