What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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