Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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