I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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