dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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