Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
