and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
