I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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