I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
