It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
