Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
