u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
