im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize