Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
