I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
