I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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