I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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