called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
