She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
