Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
