I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
