I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
