So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
i think im in europe. pls send help
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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