Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
