omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
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