I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
