I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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