I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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