I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
