apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
