He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
