At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize