turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
