your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
