im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
