I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
