Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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