If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
