the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
