i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Sext me about skeletons
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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