I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
