that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
